was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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