in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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