that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
