did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
