obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
