He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
