Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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