She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
