Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
