The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
