Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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