Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
