omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
