I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
