dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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