I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
