drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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