there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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