I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
