guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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