you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
