Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
