god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
