your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize