I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
