i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize