I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The adults are the big ones right?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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