The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
