I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
