Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
