Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
