My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
