i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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