I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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