I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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