Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
