I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
