Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
