So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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