threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
