Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
