I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
did i walk over a car last night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize