hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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