i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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