If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
