you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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