The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
