in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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