The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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