After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
