Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
