So drunk its hurt
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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