my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
