If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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