don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
