I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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