Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
