I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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