You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
