and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
