Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
