just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
