I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
