god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize