I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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