TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
